All ages welcome? Local youth feeling left out at Sonoma County events

As a college student, I love free events. When you’re a young person, free or cheap events in parks, town squares and community centers can be some of the best hangout spots when home isn’t an option. If you have younger siblings, you may not have any choice but to attend these events. They’re often labeled “all ages” or “family-friendly” or may not have any designation at all, but it turns out these events are often geared toward children 10 and under. I attended a Fall Fun Fest with my friends this Halloween, thinking it would be a fun event for everyone, but we very quickly found that there were very few activities for children older than the age of five or six available. Many of the “all-age” events operating in Sonoma County suffer from the same problem.

When it comes to Sonoma County’s local events, groups and classes, the demographics of teens and adults under 21 are critically underrepresented. Our community caters to families with young children or to wine and beer drinkers and seniors. Weekend, outside-of-school events are almost non-existent for our youth. Why is that? We make up a large part of the community. According to the most recent census, young people between the ages of 15 and 24 comprise 15% of Sonoma County’s population. Yet, ask a young person if they feel part of the community and this is what they’ll tell you.

Erin, 20, told me “My sister is over 21 and she wanted me to join her at a drag show. I was really upset when I found out I couldn’t go because I couldn’t drink.”

Meanwhile, Angela, 18, said, “I feel left out at local events because people my age usually don’t go or hang out in a group so it’s really hard to make friends or meet new people.”

Events that cater to young adults need to be part of our community and we must work to make our larger “all ages” events truly all-age-encompassing and make activities that will engross and foster socialization in our young people.

Here’s why: Events like these serve as a “third space,” which is defined as a place other than the home, school or a workplace. This third space is especially important for teens and their social development. Adults usually have money to spend on social activities and creating third spaces, and if they’re above 21, they have bars and other social settings that they can visit. Without safe third spaces for young adults to hang out, we’re gravitating to online virtual spaces, which lack real engagement and socialization. In turn, we’re becoming more anxious, more depressed and dealing with a whole host of new issues. Think about it: if you want those darn kids to stay out of trouble and off their phones, we need a space to go. It’s pretty simple.

When I searched for options for teen socializations, most suggestions were commitment-heavy and a financial burden, relying on parents shoving their teens into camps and programs. These options lack opportunities to interact with casual friends from school who may come from diverse social backgrounds and interests. Places like Chops, and the Finley Center, although helpful, often require commitment from teens and can’t provide that spur-of-the-moment social setting, which is necessary for social development and creating the teenage experience. Without spaces serving as teen hangouts or by making public events unwelcoming, there are fewer opportunities for young adults to mingle and connect with peers.

All this being said, there has been a noticeable effort to make public events for all ages in a literal sense. Forestville’s Youth Parade in June was a great example. The party at the local Youth Park included the usual children's activities on the playgrounds and adult wine tasting but also offered Bingo and plenty of sports equipment for active games amongst people of all ages that kept me and my friends engaged and entertained. Although this event wasn’t intended for young adults, it was a constructive social activity and fun experience I had been desperately searching for for months. Opportunities like this with activities that truly can cater to everyone, need to be furthered and popularized in our community.

The Sonoma County Library, although a place known for being quiet, has become one of the last remaining spaces for teen socialization, conducting regular, free, low-commitment events for teens with clubs, hangouts, and creative activities that are often drop-in ready. Libraries have become the last space for teens to go without judgment to participate in social activities including escape rooms, arts and crafts, trivia and even gaming (board and video) and movies! If other public hubs for youth like city festivals, community centers (although, Sonoma has a Queer Teen Art Club that accomplishes this goal perfectly), and even sometimes schools made similar efforts to include spur-of-the-moment teen social events, we would have much more socially active and community-oriented youth.

With the holidays coming up, we must look critically at our local festivals and celebrations as well as the personal parties that we have and make an effort to bridge generational gaps and not alienate those in an awkward stage in between drinking and believing in Santa. Make activities, make conversations. Do not ignore the young people in your life worrying that you can’t make them happy or that there is some massive generational gap because there isn’t. Teenagers and young adults only want to feel included among their friends and their families as well as in our local community events. By including them and encouraging their participation in activities, you can help foster social development and intergenerational relationships that will leave a lasting impact on the young people in your life.