Eclectic Guerneville By Stephen Gross — December 2018

Parade of Lights

There’s a pulsating

Dazzling floats accompanied by toothy grins and a river of pleasure drift lazily through our transformed burg and if folks are careful about passing their Ganja, we shouldn’t have too many fires or hysterical canines.

But for me, the best part of the holiday celebration is D & G Equity Management’s holiday party and social beginning at 6:30 p.m. and ending when we’re too porky to stand any longer.

Of course (unlike yours trooly) not everyone lacks discipline. Some actually take a chewing break to cheer and applaud their Destiny.

CEO and founder of D&G, Michael DeProto, in his fourth decade at his Mill Street shop, puts on a feed for the community which lights up the town considerably more than the parade itself.

Everyone is welcome and many find it hard to tear themselves away from this exquisite banquet. Truth be told, Guerneville has it’s share of parades, but enjoying such elegance, variety and quality as DeProto and Co. offer Guernevillians once a year is an experience of a lifetime (depending on your bank balance and age, of course…)

Sometimes, if you’re not paying attention, things will sneak up on you that might possibly diminish the quality of your life. Like a 120 room hotel with some 82,000 sq. ft. of new structures and all the attendant ills which would accompany a 9.7 acre full-service resort on verdant Hulbert Creek less than a mile west of Guerneville.

Guests, dozens of employees in need of housing, incessant comings and goings, increased noise and light pollution, delivery and service folk, water and other resource usage, a huge increase in trash, traffic, increased pollution and interminable waits in traffic on the officially designated scenic highway fought for by Lenny Weinstein et al for most of a decade.

Sorry Len, but it may not be quite as scenic any more. The zoning on this parcel notwithstanding, as a 40-year resident of the lower river, I think it’s an unwelcome and environmentally unfriendly intrusion.

Yes. I was raised in da Heights and thought I’d put gridlock, excessive noise and uncaring humanity (for the most part) behind me. Who knew?

This unwelcome sprawl would virtually adjoin Dubrava Village, a mid-80s Kirk Lok venture which, despite long and loud protests, chewed up second growth timber and threadbare tempers despite the efforts of (among others) local heroes Linda Lucey and Dian Hardy.

A taste of local history: The original resort site featured a riverside hotel dating from the 1920s which burned down a half-century later and subsequently became Ginger’s Rancho, a restaurant and bar which remained until the 80s when owner Ginger Churchill sold the property to architect Paul Wang.

What’s That Sound?

For future Art Blakeys and Mickey Harts and kids with energy to expend, there’s an interactiveDrumming Workshop at 3 p.m. on December 1 at the Guerneville library. Look forward to release and joy!

Que Pasa?

The SoCo Library has also made available thousands of Spanish books and audio books with ODILO. Enter your info at sonomalibrary.org/odilo and you’ll be able to browse titles and thrill to the fabulous “door” you just opened.

Sometimes we unintentionally overlook library books that need to be returned or we just get so enraptured we space out.

For those of us who have a situation we need to resolve (i.e. owed cash!) the Library is making an offer we shouldn’t refuse. Until December 29, you may bring a donation (for local food banks) of food in lieu of going to jail (just kidding!) for possession of a late book. Non-perishable food items and low-sodium, no-sugar-added items are preferred.

Upcoming events at our local library include:

Read to a dog 10 am to 11 am, Saturday December 1

Master Gardener (build a native plant habitat) 10:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 1

and…

River Friends Book and Bake sale:

10:00am - 7:00pm Wednesday, December 5, 2018,

10:00am - 5:00 pm Thursday, December 6, 2018

10:00am - 5:00 pm Friday, December 7, 2018

10:00am - 5:00pm Saturday, December 8, 2018 ($5 Bag Day - fill ‘er up!)

And for those who feel especially creative there’s

Intro to 3-D Printing 2 p.m. to 3:30 p.m., Sat., Dec. 8

Free Eats?!

One more thing to be thankful for is the fruit, veggies, canned goods and much more handed out to whomever, no questions asked, at Guerneville’s Vets Hall from 9 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. on Wednesdays and at St. Andrews in Monte Rio from 2:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m., courtesy of the Redwood Empire Food Bank and dispensed by Sabrina and Chuck.

As a special learning-to-make-choices teaching tool, students at Guerneville school 2nd grade and up will be able to have the food-choosing experience too.

I love St. Andrews because it’s a relic built in 1930, next to Curtain Call Theater and across from Ferns. It’s like an aging dowager who continues to figure out ways to get along with its geriatric neighbors and get things done.

Also, Scotland’s most famous and oldest golf course was named after our little M. R. church!

BINGO

The inimitable may-they-live-forever Russian River Sisters upcoming Bingo will benefit Monte Rio based Dogma Animal Rescue which has long focused on caring for abandoned and indigent nursing bitches and puppies and tirelessly worked to take care of their medical and nutritional needs and their overall well-being. And Dogma recently instituted a special needs medical program.

Also sharing in the booty will be PAWS, whose adoption program called “Silver Paws for Love” which provides financial assistance to local seniors who adopt a pet 6 years or older.

Sisters Bingo itself is an enormous hoot what with table-pounding octogenarians screaming for more and trying to hear instructions for the next bingo game.

Two packs of bingo cards for $20, must be 18+ to play, no alcohol or strong scents please, pizza, nachos, chips brownies, soda available, Advance ticket holders admitted 5:30 p.m. all others, 6 p.m.

Warning: If you yell “Bingo!” and you’re mistaken or if your cell phone makes noises you must suffer consequences such as being daubed by players.

There’s always a costume contest relating to that night Bingo’s theme.

And please leave your guns at home. After all It’s only Bingo.